Intro to ARP

What on earth am I doing awake?

I went to the Nashville Tribute Band concert (amazing by the way) and got home at 11 pm.

Obviously I went straight down to my room to go to sleep.

Read my scriptures.
Put on pjs.

Washed off my makeup.

Prayed.

Climbed into bed.

And............ 

Couldn't fall asleep.

So I got up. 

Laid out my work clothes for tomorrow.

And my exercise clothes.

Read my scriptures some more.

Put lavender oil in my diffuser to make me sleepy.

Cleaned my room.

Made my bed.

And.........

Here I am.

Writing a blogpost. 

If this doesn't succeed in quieting down my brain and letting me sleep I am going to have to finish reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets which I started this evening,
 and I just don't think I can commit to that with work at 8:30 am.

In my previous blog post I told you that I have started 

THE ADDICTION RECOVERY PROGRAM. 

DUH DUH DUHHHHHHHH

Honestly, sometimes I think about all I have said on this blog and just want to never go out again. Because I tell the world everything. 

Want to know my secrets? 

Read my blog. 

And join me in realizing that secrets aren't secrets once you put them on the internet. 

But since I have committed to being so extremely candid with you I will continue telling you about the ARP program and all I am learning, thinking, feeling and experiencing.

In the Introduction to the Addictions Recovery Manual it talks about how through the Atonement of Jesus Christ we are healed. 

I want to focus on that for a minute.

Those of us who live with daily depression, anxiety, fear and debilitating anger can experience joy and peace. 

The power of the Savior can turn our most devastating defeats into glorious spiritual victories. 

And we can witness miracles in our lives and in the lives of those around us who are ensnared in addictions. 

I hate how often I relate to what is said in this manual.

Part of me hoped when I started this program that I wouldn't get anything out of it,
 that I wouldn't relate to anything,
 and that it would be obvious that I didn't need to do this because it didn't apply...

It does.

This manual is written by those who have recovered from their addictions. 

And they speak with experience and truth.

The way they explain how they once thought, and the fact they don't think that way anymore is unbelievable. 

"We have paid an awful price in self-inflicted pain and suffering because of our addictions. But blessings have poured forth as we have taken each step to recovery. Having had a spiritual awakening, we strive every day to improve our relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ we are healed."

I've talked about the Atonement a time or two before on this blog.
If you are in my relief society class or have been in a relief society class I have previously taught you have heard me talk about the Atonement. 

If we have every had a spiritual talk you've heard me talk about the Atonement.

That is because everything in the gospel loops back to the Atonement.

(BTW Hugo Montoya is forever the best name)

And I understand on a basic level the Atonement.
And I get how the Atonement applies to everyone else.

I have seen it work in other people's lives.

I know sins can be forgiven. 

Lives can be changed. 

Hope can be found.

Through the Atonement.

But as for applying to my sins?

As for healing me? 

Nope.

I am not there yet. 

It is something I am working on. 

Especially the enabling power of the Atonement. 

Now I'm not trying to skip ahead to the steps of the program because this blog post is specifically about the 

 Introduction to the Addiction to Recovery Program.

But spoiler: It all goes back to the Atonement.

Like Handel said in The Messiah, 

and you know, Isaiah said in the Book of Isaiah who Handel quoted,

"Through His stripes we are healed."

Before I go deeper into gospel stuff I have a few more things to say. 

Addiction cannot be conquered by willpower alone. Many people become so dependent on a behavior or a substance they no longer see how to abstain from it. These substances and behaviors diminish a person's ability to feel the Spirit. They harms physical and mental health and emotional, social and spiritual well-being. 

Dallin H. Oaks said, "We should avoid any behavior that is addictive. Whatever is addictive compromises our will. Subjecting our will to the overbearing impulses by any form of addiction serves Satan's purposes and subverts our Heavenly Father's... We can avoid addictions by keeping the commandments of God."

As someone who has been there/is there/recovering from there/29 days off sugar/still has food addiction/shopping addiction/has no willpower and struggles with an addictive personality/needs addiction recovery for everything, 

I want to testify of something. 

Satan is real.

And his plan in Heaven, the plan where he wanted us to be without agency and we would all make it back to Heaven but we wouldn't be able to choose that path, he is still trying to make that work here, minus the heaven part. 

Satan doesn't want us to use our agency.

And he is so cunning and smart.
He is very good at what he does.

He tricks you into thinking you are choosing for yourself, but really you are just giving up your agency.

And you give it up piece by piece until you no longer have control over your life. 

But God is also real.

And Jesus Christ is real. 

Our Savior Jesus Christ died on a cross, bled from every pore in Gethsemane and suffered pains and afflictions of every kind for us, so that we can have hope. 

That through the Atonement we can be healed and our agency can be returned to us. 

I am feeling that slowly but surely. 

Over the years I have given up my agency piece by piece as flaxen cords have gotten tighter and tighter around my wrists.

I have seriously screwed up my life.
And I have lost control.

But I have hope. 

I want to end with a quote from the manual, 

"If you suspect you are addicted and if you feel even the smallest desire to break free, we invite you to join us in studying and applying the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ as they are taught in this guide. We assure you that if you follow this path with a sincere heart, you will find the power you need to recover from addiction. As you apply each of these twelve principles faithfully, the Saviour will strengthen you and you will come to know the truth and the truth shall make you free."