1 Nephi 3:5
And now, behold thy brothers murmur, saying it is a hard thing which I have required of them; but behold I have not required it of them, but it is a commandment of the Lord.
Dear readers I have a confession...
When I have read First Nephi I have always identified more with Laman and Lemuel than with Nephi or Sam.
And I am sure I am not the only one.
In fact the time I related most with Nephi was during his lament comprising of 2 Nephi 4:15-33.
Wherein he felt remorse over how easily he was beset by temptations and sins.
While I saw similarities with myself and Laman & Lemuel, I should clarify that I would never tie up my siblings and leave them for dead, and hopefully never act contrary to the commands I had received from an angel.
But I have often felt that what Heavenly Father is asking of me is a hard thing.
I have been given callings that were out of my comfort zone and difficult for me to do well.
I have received promptings I didn't want to follow through on.
I have at times felt that going to church every week was hard.
Reading my scriptures daily was hard.
Praying multiple times a day was hard.
God never asked me to do something that was easy.
Let me just repeat that for you...
GOD NEVER ASKED ME TO DO SOMETHING THAT WAS EASY.
Why is that?
Because, He has said that, "For behold, this is my work and my glory– to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."
-Moses 1:39
Because of the fall of Adam and Eve we all are fallen.
But through Jesus Christ we all will be lifted up at the last day.
Our mortal will put on immortal.
Corruption shall put on incorruption.
And we will finally be able to reach perfection.
That is what our Heavenly Father wants for us.
He wants us to be with Him forever.
But to be with Him we must overcome the natural man.
Which is no easy task.
But He has promised it is doable.
He has given us help in so many ways.
He is there-we can always turn to Him and talk with Him.
We have the Holy Ghost as a comforter and as a guide to lead us where we should go.
We have Jesus Christ and His everlasting atonement, wherein He felt our sins as well our sorrows and knows how to succor us in times of need.
We have the scriptures as well as the Ensign & Liahona, the New Era and the Friend all containing the words of prophets designed to help us and provide strength in these days.
We have family and friends put into our lives to support us.
We have church leaders, not only to counsel with but also there to provide a shoulder to cry on and to help us bear our burdens when needed.
We have temples as places of refuge and peace where clarity can be found.
We have seminary and institute as well as church classes to teach us what we need to do.
And we have the knowledge of the Plan of Salvation.
A knowledge that can get us through the hardest of times by remembering God wants us to be happy and have joy.
As His children He wants us to return to be with Him where the greatest joy can be found.
And with that knowledge anything is possible.
So as someone who has grumbled and complained along the way for far too long
I have something to share.
And though it feels like every part of me is screaming out to keep this private and to keep this struggle inside, I know that this blog is not meant to just be my personal thoughts for myself alone.
This blog is for those who feel like they are alone in their mission struggles.
Those who feel misunderstood by those who mean so well.
Those who are ashamed to speak up about something that should be "The Best Two Years" yet is fraught with earthly trials.
I am facing another mission delay.
I have not "messed up" along the path.
My delays are not based upon any moral ambiguity.
(Though for those who are encountering such delays this post is as much for you as it is for anyone)
My delays are based upon a weightier matter.
Namely, my weight.
I was a chubby baby.
I was a chubby toddler.
I was a chubby child.
I was a chubby teenager.
And at 20 years old I am a chubby adult.
Before I am able to go on a mission I need to lose weight.
I suspected when I first began the process of working on my papers that this would be the case.
But as time went on no one talked to me about it.
My doctor cleared me.
My bishop cleared me.
My stake president cleared me.
All felt I would be suitable for full missionary service.
And so my papers went in.
Days turned into weeks that turned into months as my call didn't arrive.
There were other delays that I have talked about in previous posts that were properly dealt with.
Still I waited.
Until about two weeks ago I was called in to meet with my home ward bishop.
(Bishop if you are reading this you did a fantastic job handling a potentially awkward conversation)
Meeting with him I was told my stake president had just found out from the mission department that I could not go on a mission till I lost some weight.
Now a lady never reveals her weight so I am not going to talk about where I'm at, where I need to be or how much I need to lose.
But it is enough that I will be home for a few more months working on this.
(This is my typical response to being told I need to lose weight)
I want you all to know I am at peace with this.
I have tried hundreds of times to lose weight with minimal success.
But what have I left out each time?
My Savior, Jesus Christ.
As Phillipians 4:7 states;
"I can do all things through Christ which strenghteneth me."
We talk so often of the redemptive power of the Atonement.
That the Atonement is how one repents.
But we don't focus enough on the enabling power of the Atonement.
Christ knows how I feel.
He has felt my shame as I've watched the scales rise.
He knows the guilt I feel as I choose to eat what I shouldn't.
He understands the pain of being excluded and treated differently because of being plus-sized.
And He can help me do this.
I love this gospel.
And though I have seen myself in Laman and Lemuel many times before, crying that it is a hard thing God has asked of me, today I see myself as Nephi.
Declaring that, "I will go and do the things the Lord has commanded, for I know the Lord giveth no commandment unto the children of men, save He shall prepare a way for them to accomplish the thing which He commandeth them."
I know that this weight requirement for missionaries has a reason.
I know that this is for my benefit.
And I know that Heavenly Father would not ask such a thing unless He had a way I could accomplish it.
So while this is a "hard thing" I have been asked to do I know I can.
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
When I have read First Nephi I have always identified more with Laman and Lemuel than with Nephi or Sam.
And I am sure I am not the only one.
In fact the time I related most with Nephi was during his lament comprising of 2 Nephi 4:15-33.
Wherein he felt remorse over how easily he was beset by temptations and sins.
While I saw similarities with myself and Laman & Lemuel, I should clarify that I would never tie up my siblings and leave them for dead, and hopefully never act contrary to the commands I had received from an angel.
But I have often felt that what Heavenly Father is asking of me is a hard thing.
I have been given callings that were out of my comfort zone and difficult for me to do well.
I have received promptings I didn't want to follow through on.
I have at times felt that going to church every week was hard.
Reading my scriptures daily was hard.
Praying multiple times a day was hard.
God never asked me to do something that was easy.
Let me just repeat that for you...
GOD NEVER ASKED ME TO DO SOMETHING THAT WAS EASY.
Why is that?
Because, He has said that, "For behold, this is my work and my glory– to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."
-Moses 1:39
Because of the fall of Adam and Eve we all are fallen.
But through Jesus Christ we all will be lifted up at the last day.
Our mortal will put on immortal.
Corruption shall put on incorruption.
And we will finally be able to reach perfection.
That is what our Heavenly Father wants for us.
He wants us to be with Him forever.
But to be with Him we must overcome the natural man.
Which is no easy task.
But He has promised it is doable.
He has given us help in so many ways.
He is there-we can always turn to Him and talk with Him.
We have the Holy Ghost as a comforter and as a guide to lead us where we should go.
We have Jesus Christ and His everlasting atonement, wherein He felt our sins as well our sorrows and knows how to succor us in times of need.
We have the scriptures as well as the Ensign & Liahona, the New Era and the Friend all containing the words of prophets designed to help us and provide strength in these days.
We have family and friends put into our lives to support us.
We have church leaders, not only to counsel with but also there to provide a shoulder to cry on and to help us bear our burdens when needed.
We have temples as places of refuge and peace where clarity can be found.
We have seminary and institute as well as church classes to teach us what we need to do.
And we have the knowledge of the Plan of Salvation.
A knowledge that can get us through the hardest of times by remembering God wants us to be happy and have joy.
As His children He wants us to return to be with Him where the greatest joy can be found.
And with that knowledge anything is possible.
So as someone who has grumbled and complained along the way for far too long
I have something to share.
And though it feels like every part of me is screaming out to keep this private and to keep this struggle inside, I know that this blog is not meant to just be my personal thoughts for myself alone.
This blog is for those who feel like they are alone in their mission struggles.
Those who feel misunderstood by those who mean so well.
Those who are ashamed to speak up about something that should be "The Best Two Years" yet is fraught with earthly trials.
I am facing another mission delay.
I have not "messed up" along the path.
My delays are not based upon any moral ambiguity.
(Though for those who are encountering such delays this post is as much for you as it is for anyone)
My delays are based upon a weightier matter.
Namely, my weight.
I was a chubby baby.
I was a chubby toddler.
I was a chubby child.
I was a chubby teenager.
And at 20 years old I am a chubby adult.
Before I am able to go on a mission I need to lose weight.
I suspected when I first began the process of working on my papers that this would be the case.
But as time went on no one talked to me about it.
My doctor cleared me.
My bishop cleared me.
My stake president cleared me.
All felt I would be suitable for full missionary service.
And so my papers went in.
Days turned into weeks that turned into months as my call didn't arrive.
There were other delays that I have talked about in previous posts that were properly dealt with.
Still I waited.
Until about two weeks ago I was called in to meet with my home ward bishop.
(Bishop if you are reading this you did a fantastic job handling a potentially awkward conversation)
Meeting with him I was told my stake president had just found out from the mission department that I could not go on a mission till I lost some weight.
Now a lady never reveals her weight so I am not going to talk about where I'm at, where I need to be or how much I need to lose.
But it is enough that I will be home for a few more months working on this.
(This is my typical response to being told I need to lose weight)
I want you all to know I am at peace with this.
I have tried hundreds of times to lose weight with minimal success.
But what have I left out each time?
My Savior, Jesus Christ.
As Phillipians 4:7 states;
"I can do all things through Christ which strenghteneth me."
We talk so often of the redemptive power of the Atonement.
That the Atonement is how one repents.
But we don't focus enough on the enabling power of the Atonement.
Christ knows how I feel.
He has felt my shame as I've watched the scales rise.
He knows the guilt I feel as I choose to eat what I shouldn't.
He understands the pain of being excluded and treated differently because of being plus-sized.
And He can help me do this.
I love this gospel.
And though I have seen myself in Laman and Lemuel many times before, crying that it is a hard thing God has asked of me, today I see myself as Nephi.
Declaring that, "I will go and do the things the Lord has commanded, for I know the Lord giveth no commandment unto the children of men, save He shall prepare a way for them to accomplish the thing which He commandeth them."
I know that this weight requirement for missionaries has a reason.
I know that this is for my benefit.
And I know that Heavenly Father would not ask such a thing unless He had a way I could accomplish it.
So while this is a "hard thing" I have been asked to do I know I can.
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
