Dated Aug 2017

Edit: Going through adding old posts. Some were never finished but I'm choosing to leave them as I found them. 

Hey!

It's me again.

It's been a while since I published last, sorry about that.

I've been figuring stuff out the past two months and working hard to prioritize my health.

Here's the update:

I am on antidepressants. ✔️

Essential oils are blessing my life. ✔️

Allowing yourself to heal is hard. ✔️

Being honest is hard. ✔️

God is so aware of us. ✔️

Post from Oct 2018

Dated October 2018

Wondering why it has almost been a year since I've posted?

Because everything I try to write sounds SO MENTALLY ILL. 

Ugh....

Not a fan. 

Because when I am doing good I am busy. 

Hanging out with my YSA.

Working. 

Adventuring.
And when I'm not doing good?

I decide to write on my blog.

That honesty you enjoy in my posts?

It isn't so great all the time. 

When I'm not thinking clearly the line between TMI and inspirational is blurred. 

But let's look at the positives of the past year.

I got a job working as a tutor for an amazing family. 

The kids crack me up on a daily basis. 

I've learned I can teach!
It is amazing. 

(I promise this is not what school looks like)

(On one of our adventures)

(Sneaky photo of them showing a photo album to my friend)

(I'm this cutie's Official Second Best Friend, after her mama of course)

Accompanying the whole, I can teach, realization is that I've realized that the patience I've prayed for, joked about, and bemoaned that I would never have, is something that I have. 

Who knew that if you worked on something and tried to improve you could actually change?

And I have seen the goodness of God in my life.
But when I'm ready to post again you will see it.
After all, I am Sister Atwood ;)

Spirit of Elijah

I did it.

I took the plunge.

This past week I attended a Family History class.

To those of you who are Genealogy buffs, 

you are welcome.

For the rest of you who, like me, run away every time your ward's consultants come near, 

it is time to do your Family History.

Here is what I learned:

It isn't that hard.

Our Heavenly Father wants us to be doing Family History. 

Doors will open and things will fall into place as you do this work. 

You will be blessed.

FIND.

Find a name. 

Find your ancestors.

Find the desire to serve those who came before you.
Find the strength to obey the Prophet's counsel.

TAKE.

Take a name to the temple.
Take lots of names to the temple. 

Take the information you find and add it to Family Search. 

Take a look at your life and decide whether you can fit 15 minutes of genealogy in this week. 

TEACH.

Teach yourself to love family history.

Teach your family about your collective history.

Teach others about the importance of this work. 

In the last month I have:

Added names of ancestors to FamilySearch

Found ordinances that needed to be done

And have done temple work for some of those names

And it has taken me less than 5 hours.

I was one of those people who thought all my family work that could be done was done. 

It isn't.

I've got a work to do and so do you.

Go to a Family History center.

Take a class.

Watch a tutorial. 

And feel the Spirit of Elijah in your life. 

RESOURCES:

https://www.familysearch.org/

https://www.findarecord.com/en/

https://puzzilla.org/

Take A Name App

One of the hardest things I've had to do

Edit: I'm going through and publishing things I wrote FOREVER ago. This is dated Nov 2017.

We all have trials in life.
Hard times come our way.

What we want and what we get are two very different things. 

It is all a part of life.

But when it happens to you it sucks.

To everyone who was in a class with me from elementary to high school, 

but especially elementary,

I'm sorry. 

Hindsight is 20/20.

I was a pain-in-the-butt teacher's pet. 

I promise, my parents raised me right.
But I was a pill in school.

Some common phrases one could use to describe me:

Self-righteous

Perfectionist

Know-it-all

You are probably sitting there, all concerned right now, thinking, 

"Oh no, Emma you were darling as a child, how can you say those things?"

If so, go ask someone who I thought was dumb what it was like to be in school with me and your perspective will change. 

My role model was Miranda Cosgrove in the School of Rock.

Literally. 

In my head, this was a movie.
I was the misunderstood genius, stuck in a small town that didn't understand her, destined for greatness. 

I took pride in all my idiosyncrasies.

And I didn't care who I crushed on my way to the top.

(Apologies again to anyone and everyone I hurt along the way)

It is no surprise then that I wanted the best for my university.
I wanted to get away.
I wanted to break the status quo.

I wanted to be "the girl who got out".

I chased lots of dreams and reluctantly settled for God's plan.

Which was Virginia. 

Director of Soccer Operations as a freshman.

Resident Advisor as a sophomore.

Part of the "cool crowd."

Crushed my PoliSci class.

I wasn't living up to my expectations.
I needed to do more.

In what was a surprise to only me, I crashed and burned.
Bad.

If you've read my blog you know this. 

Like major trainwreck, I've spent the past two years in an emotional hospital, kind of a trainwreck.

Heck, it took me almost a year to get out of the emotional ICU.

And I've had to go back a time or two since. 

If any of you watch Community I am Annie. 

#annieadderall

Basically, a perfectionist who crashed and burned and ended up in community college. 

I appreciate her struggles.

As a perfectionist in recovery, I am continually struggling with a few things.
I am not currently in university.
I am working.
Like at a job.
Like I'm 22 and have spent the past two years working.
My life isn't following my plans.
I am not on a mission.
I am not at school.
Hence, I am not living up to my potential and am a disgrace to everyone who knows me.

Like I've said before, it is a work in progress.

Because there are a few things I know to be true.
1. It is okay to not serve a mission
2. It is okay to not be going to school
3. I am where God wants me to be

So as I've come to the same realization I've had multiple times over the past two years.
I felt the need to share this realization.
The one I keep pushing down and ignoring.
The one I keep resisting because I don't want it to be true.
That the Virginia chapter of my life is over.



And I am SO sad about that.
While it is true my mental health collapsed there, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.
I met my life-long best friends there.
I was able to work with the best women's soccer team in the world.
I got an education at the highest quality I could imagine.
I was loved and cared for by the most incredible professors and staff.
In Virginia, I found a home.
Attending Southern Virginia University is forever one of the best choices I've made.
And I miss it.
But I've known since I decided to leave that I wouldn't be going back.
Not that I didn't want to.
But I knew the door was shutting behind me, and no windows would be opening to let me back in.



I wanted to graduate in front of that beautiful red building.
I wanted to be a Politics major and have Dr. John be so proud of me and all I'd accomplished.
I wanted to sing in the choir.
I wanted to have my senior's night with my team and my best friends standing beside me.
I wanted to call those Blue Ridge Mountains home and be a Head Resident Advisor with some handsome husband I met at SVU.
I wanted to be a part of the legacy.

And for a long time, my heart was broken thinking I had lost my place in history by leaving SVU.
I've come to terms with not being there anymore.
And finally, in my heart, I can accept that I spent the time there I needed to.
It is okay for a door to shut behind you.
It is okay for a chapter to end.
I am a piece of that school and it is a piece of me.
I don't know what happens next.
I don't know where my next university is.
I don't know when I will be going to school.
I don't know when I'll graduate or where I will be a year from now.
But I am trusting God.
He leads me to where I need to be.
He lead me to SVU.
He lead me away from SVU.
Wherever He leads me next I will go.

But in my heart I will always be a Knight.

(I didn't know why then, and I still don't know why I was holding a pot of flowers.)

(Cameryn is goals)

(Our Squad Summer Storage Container)



(Soccer Grocery Shopping)






(Just because this is my favourite pic of Sierra ever)



(Marian, I miss you!)


(I miss Chad lol)






(Kadee's face though)


(Spring Break in Florida was LYFE)









(They often collapsed on the floor from laughing)



(When your friends go visit your favourite painting for you)








(Studying)

(We spent a ridiculous amount of time facetiming each other, being 1 floor away)




(When you drop your ice cream cone....)


(The great polo debate)



(Sierra, I took so many naps in the back of your truck while you were in class)




(Team chats)





(I literally wandered up into the forest to take this pic)







(These women are my forever friends)







(We found a squirrel)



(The time I almost killed Patillo because at 2 in the morning she told me she was engaged)






(DC Trip Christmas 2014)






(The time Mac looked like she belonged in a Shakespeare movie)


(The window of epiphany)









(Shirley <3)

(Leaving for Spring Break)











(Finding friends sleeping in the library)








(The two seconds YikYak was where it is at)







(Queen of selfies right here)




(Reva and Cody are goals)










(Kenz, I adore ya)




(There is no such thing as a pic of Coach smiling)





(This is one of a hundred pictures of me trying to take my phone back from Uri)








As a reward for making it through those pictures, here is a great video showcasing SVU.