Life Sucks...

Dear Readers,

Life sucks. 

It is so hard. 

It is hard to do what is right.

It is hard to make good choices.

It is hard to prepare to serve a mission. 

All my missionary friends told me that as you get closer to serving a mission, life gets harder. 

You are tempted more than ever before. 

Things fall apart.
Distractions pop up. 

The struggle is so very real. 

And it sucks. 

I remember when these friends were struggling with their own issues prior to leaving.

I was so confused.

"Read your scriptures more," I said naively.

"Just go to the temple every spare moment," I would suggest.

"Pray for heaven's help," I implored. 

And they would smile and say thanks for the advice.

But really, I know now what they were thinking, because it is what I am thinking these days. 

Which is that it is not that easy. 

You do all the things you are supposed to do.

But it is still hard. 

And nobody prepared me for that moment.

The moment when you realize, that although you are doing all that you are supposed to, it's still hard. 

I didn't know. 

Dear readers, the struggle is real. 

Now, are you thoroughly burdened down by the despair of how hard life is?

Good. 

Because from that place you can feel the light that the rest of this post will bring. 

God loves me. 

God loves you.

God loves us in spite of our sins.
He loves us in spite of our willful disobedience.
He loves us when we are stubborn.

He loves us when we make dumb choices.

He loves us when we mess everything up.

Unconditional love= He loves us no matter what.

And God sent us His son.

His loving, perfect son who endured agonies beyond comprehension for us. 

Who suffered and bled so that we could be saved.

Our Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ. 

And life is hard.

But it wasn't meant to be an easy road.
We are here to struggle, to face challenges, to fight for what is right and to be challenged. 

Sometimes we feel like we are the worst sinner ever. 

Like nobody else's struggles even compare to ours because we are drowning in our trials. 

That we will never make it over the mountain ahead of us.
And that we are doomed to fail. 

I've felt that way before. 

There still are days when I feel that way. 

Sometimes I feel utterly hopeless. 

But, 

God didn't design us to fail. 

So, take a final piece of advice from the beloved President Gordon B. Hinckley, 

And remember,

I believe in you.
I know it is hard.
But heaven is cheering you on.
God loves you. 

Jesus Christ loves you. 

And you will survive this.

Love, Em

Hello Healing

Step 2: Hope

In the Addiction Recovery Program step 2 is HOPE.

The Key Principle is to come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health. 

Now I don't know about you, but for me I 100% believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health.
But believing that He can restore me is a different story.

It is so easy to believe that He will heal others but not us. 

Sometimes I feel like I am just the worst person and no way God wants to help me.

He may love me but I am beyond helping. 

Anybody else ever feel that way?

But Step 2 asks us to turn to God and find hope in the Atonement of Jesus Christ. 

No matter what you've done or where you've been.
He isn't saying if A, B or C are your sins I will help you, but D and E, sorry you are beyond help.

That isn't how the Atonement works. 

One of the coolest moments for me was when I first went to ARP. 

I knew I needed to be there, but I still wasn't sure about going. 

However, I walked in and the Spirit was so strong.

This group of people who were all sinners like me because they were there, were surrounded by this overpowering spirit. 

And they were smiling and chatting. 

That wasn't the image I had in my head of what it would be like. 

But they had hope.
They trusted.
They knew the process worked and so they were there. 

In the ARP Manual it shares a quote from Boyd K. Packer from the October 1995 General Conference where he said that if we turned to the Lord, "no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no offense exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness."

Whoa.

Now for me I always had hope.
Since the beginning of this I knew Heavenly Father could heal me.
I knew the Atonement could help me. 

But while I had hope I struggled with truly trusting it would happen. 

However I learned many things from this chapter, the most important being that the foundation of recovery from addiction must be spiritual.  

A main point of this lesson on hope is tender mercies. 

I LOVE TENDER MERCIES.

They are those moments where something simple happens, that reminds you that Heavenly Father is aware of you and watching out for you. 

Thinking about tender mercies I am reminded of my senior year of High School.
I had to have a bunch of surgeries and I was feeling pretty bad about life at this time. 

I was missing school, I was missing my friends, I was missing everyone asking each other to grad, I was missing EVERYTHING. 

And the surgeries weren't even working.
It sucked. 

Following one of these surgeries someone brought me a vase of flowers, and in the middle of these flowers was a giant yellow Chrysanthemum. 

I put the flowers in my windowsill and never watered them. 

Plus I live in a basement so they weren't getting a lot of light.
These poor flowers had to chill with me as I laid in my bed, day after day, feeling miserable about my life. 

One day I walked into my room and noticed that all the flowers had died. 

(This is the flowers in question)

Well, all the flowers except for the Chrysanthemum. 

And because I was lazy and sad I didn't throw away the dead flowers, I just let them sit there.

For months.

And this Chrysanthemum WOULDN'T DIE.

I wanted it to die.
It had to be so dang cheerful every single day while I was miserable. 

But then after about two months of this I looked at it the chrysanthemum and realized something.
This cheery little flower was a blessing.

Even though I felt everything was going wrong, this flower just kept living.
It refused to quit on me.

Just like my Heavenly Father. 

#tendermercy

"Some individuals...erroneously may discount or dismiss in their personal lives the availability of the tender mercies of the Lord... We may falsely think that such blessings and gifts are reserved for other people who appear to be more righteous or who serve in visible Church callings. I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are available to all of us and that the Redeemer of Israel is eager to bestow such gifts upon us."

You will see the tender mercies of the Lord in your life as you learn to watch for them and as you come to believe that the power of God can indeed help you recover.

I have a testimony of this. 

I struggle often.
I am a sinner.
But I just keep trying. 

I trust my Heavenly Father and I know He loves me.

I know He wants the best for me and the best for you too. 

So let us all strive for hope.

Love, Em

Preaching to the Choir

Now I am not the person to be delivering this message.

I watch some R-rated movies.

I binge-watch shows on Netflix.

My standards when it comes to media are not where they should be.

And I know that. 

But at the same time I also am a fan of church movies.

I can pretty much quote every Liken the Scriptures movie.

I cry a ridiculous amount in the 17 Miracles movie (and every other pioneer movie for that matter)

And when I was a kid, Summer Naomi Smart was goals. 

So as someone who has seen both sides. 

Who really struggles with living in the world but not being of the world. 

I have a message to all future missionaries.

And this message is seriously humbling for me, don't think it isn't.

I have watched lots of friends prepare for missions. 

Each has a different way of doing things.

Different priorities before they leave. 

But one thing I have seen time and time again is that Satan is tempting them more than ever before. 

From the moment you decide to go on a mission the forces of hell are fighting against you. 

Cause you got lots of good to do my friends. 

And obviously, the forces of darkness don't want all that good to happen.
They are gonna pull out all the stops to stop you.

Now let me think...

If you are someone who is a good person.

(Obviously you are, you're spending your time reading mission blogs)

Someone who is trying to do what is right.

Satan isn't going to tempt you to get wasted.

Maybe he will, if that is something you struggle with. 

But he is typically going to go for the smaller things, to keep you from preparing and being ready. 

He is going to try and distract you. 

Hello Netflix. 

Hello Tumblr. 

Hello the whole public library.

Hello anything that distracts you. 

Anything that doesn't bring the spirit. 

Anything that will keep you from focusing on what matters most.

#goodbetterbest

At this moment I would like to raise my hand as one who is guilty.

So very, very guilty. 

Not gonna say which show I binge-watched on Netflix this weekend but I can promise it didn't bring the same spirit that Conference did. 

So.

When distractions come along.

When you are being sorely tempted.

When the devil sends forth his mighty winds. 

Yea, his shafts in the whirlwind. 

When all his hail, 

And his mighty storm shall beat upon you, 

What are you going to do?

#helaman5:12

You are planted in good soil.
You have a sturdy foundation.
But are you going to bend?

Right here and right now I am encouraging you to stand tall in the face of the storm. 

I believe in you.
And our Heavenly Father does too.

-Em