Goodbye Lies

Step 1: Honesty

In the Addiction Recovery Program step 1 is HONESTY.

The Key Principle is to admit that you, of yourself are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.

Who would want to admit that?

Who would ever want to admit that they had screwed up their life? 

That the agency that they were given they had used unwisely, and they were now powerless?
Who wants to admit they failed?

Not me said the flea.

But when you are broken, hopeless, past the point of no return, incapable of change etc....

What else is there to do but admit defeat?

Step 1 talks about how many of us began our addictions out of curiosity, some became involved because of a justifiable need for a prescription drug and some out of an act of rebellion. 

Many began this path when barely older than children. 

It goes on to say that, "Whatever our motive for starting and our circumstances, we soon discovered that the addiction relieved more than just physical pain. It provided stimulation or numbed painful feelings or moods. It helped us avoid the problems we faced–or so we thought. For a while, we felt free of fear, loneliness, discouragement, regret or boredom. But because life is full of conditions that prompt these kinds of feelings, we resorted to our addictions more and more often. Still, most of us failed to recognize or admit that we had lost the ability to resist and abstain on our own."

Just take a moment and think about what was said in the above paragraph. 

And think about those you know who struggle with addictions.

And consider being a bit more charitable to those who are ensnared. 

Now listen to this quote from Elder Russell M. Nelson, 

"Addiction surrenders later freedom to choose. Through chemical means, one can literally become disconnected from his or her own will."

Raise your hand if you know what that feels like or know someone who that sounds like.

(Also why does she have only 3 fingers and a thumb? Kinda weird looking....)

Rarely do people caught in addictive behaviours admit to being addicted. 

To deny the seriousness of our condition and to avoid detection and the consequences of our choices we tried to minimize or hide our behaviours.

We did not realize that by deceiving others and ourselves, we slipped deeper into our addictions.

My sister has an expression for people who are mentally ill or suffer from addictions, or just people she thinks aren't thinking clearly. 

She says that "their perception is distorted."

I completely agree with her on that. 

Like it says above, by hiding our addictions we slip deeper into them.

And for myself I often think, oh it isn't that big of a deal.

I can fix this by myself, I just need time. So I'm just going to lie a little bit, just to cover for a while, so I can fix this.

But I can't as hard as I try.

And so I keep lying. 

And lying.

And lying.

Till it feels like my whole life is a big lie and I don't know how to get out of it or stop lying because I don't even remember where it all started or how I got into this mess in the first place.

#addictbrain

In the scriptures it talks about flaxen cords.

(2nd Nephi 26:22 in case you want to look it up in your scriptures)

And basically there are these flaxen cords which are easy to break when it is just one by itself, but as you wrap them around over and over, as you continue lying, continue in your addiction, and never stop and break the flaxen cords they get tighter and tighter, until one day it is tied too tight for you to do anything about it. 

The flaxen cord is now a chain that you by yourself are not strong enough to break.

We could no longer hide our addictions by telling one more lie or by saying, "it's not that bad."

And when you get to that point there is one way out of it. 

You have to admit defeat.

Once you realize you can't keep lying to yourself and you look into your past and see all of your mistakes along the way, and you look ahead to what your future will look like if you don't change, it all becomes clear.

The addiction is destroying your life. 

But the amazing thing about that realization is that by admitting you are defeated you can recover.

How can you recover?

Please flip your scriptures open to;

Luke 7:36-50

I know it feels like a lot of verses but seriously, humour me for a minute, this is one of my favourite scripture passages.

You've got to turn to your Saviour.

(Ok, technically turning to your Savior is the third step but it is every single step. I warned you in my last post that I would talk about the Atonement in every post about ARP, and I was not lying.)

I love this woman.

Her humility and love of her Saviour Jesus Christ is something I strive for and want to emulate. 

I am so flawed.

And there is so much I need forgiven. 

But I know that I am not alone in this. 

I need the Atonement every single day of my life. 

And I need you to know something,

There is no way on Earth that I, Emma Noel Atwood, could ever change my life without the Atonement and without the love of my Heavenly Parents and Jesus Christ. 

I have tried and failed for years. 

I have lived helpless for too long.
Until the day came where I hit rock bottom. 

And I stayed there for a while, doomed to remain there forever at only 20 years old.

Finally I rolled out of my bed and onto my knees and I just sat there for a while.

I didn't know what to say.

And so I said sorry, truthfully, heart-wrenchingly apologizing for how bad I had messed up my life.

And I admitted I was trapped. 

And all my problems were solved the end. 

Nope.

Sorry.
Life doesn't work that way.

I kept praying every day. 

At that point that was all I could do. 

And I gradually got to the point where my broken heart met a contrite spirit. 

Where I was finally ready to think about changing. 

As the months have flown past me I may not have physically changed, but spiritually I have had a serious humbling.

My pride got smacked down so hard I am unsure it will ever recover, and I don't want it to.

I came home from school 7 months ago.

And I still am months away from going on a mission. 

But I am so grateful that God will never give up on me. 

He has promised that.
He will never ever, no matter what I do or how far I wander, give up on me.

I am doing the work though.

The Action Steps for Honesty is be willing to abstain, let go of pride and seek humility, and admit the problem, seek help, and attend meetings.

#workinprogress

Thanks for reading guys. 

Update: Read this talk. Seriously, I am mind-blown.
Sheri Dew is #goals
https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/sheri-l-dew_born-lead-born-glory/