Marriage vs. Mission

Just by the title you know that this post is going to be a doozy. 

My apologies.

I've written before about how I have planned on going on a mission my entire life.

Forever.

Both my parents are RMs and I honestly didn't know until I was maybe 9 that everyone didn't serve missions. 

I thought both guys and girls served missions before they got married. 

Consequently, I harbored some resentment against those who chose to get married instead of going on a mission. 

I just didn't understand.

There was your whole life to get married, plus eternity after that, so why not serve a mission first?

My mother got married at 23 and she is my hero, so that seemed like the perfect age. 

All these women getting married younger than that, well that is just crazy!

(My super cute parents in 1992)

Obviously, I had some stuff to figure out about life. 

In high school I remember going to wedding receptions of people not that much older than me and being very weirded out by the whole thing. 

And in university when girls on my team or in my classes were getting engaged, well that was weird too. 

For someone who never had a boyfriend the idea that people my age were ready for marriage was like a system overload. 

It didn't compute.

(That was really nerdy, but I just picture a little robot in my head crashing into things with smoke coming out of its brain when couples get married young)

Then one of my best friends got engaged. 

And I was at home, not at school and so I missed the whole "them dating and falling in love" part. 

But this girl, she is the wisest person in my squad, and so if she was ready for marriage than she was ready for marriage and I trusted that. 

(Aren't they just the sweetest?)

Her engagement and subsequent marriage got me thinking.

Thinking about my squad and my friends.

Because this was the start of my close friends getting married. 

At 20 years old this was the beginning of the end. 

Soon our adventures would all include our husbands and our children. 

It could never go back to the way it was. 

(That all sounds really dramatic but that is where my head was for a while)

And Heavenly Father, 

Oh, my loving Heavenly Father who knows my heart. 

Who is very aware of the aforementioned thoughts and feelings I had.

Who gives us opportunities to grow whether we want to or not...

*Sigh*

Recently, I had an interesting experience. 

Where I felt the spirit prompting me towards a young man I am acquainted with. 

And that threw me for a loop.

Without going into details. 

Without mentioning names. 

Without divulging anything that you don't need to know.

I was having a trial of faith over this. 

That sounds so dramatic. 

All of this sounds so dramatic.

But really, it was this life-changing moment where all of a sudden,

Up was Down.

Left was Right. 

And I didn't know if I was supposed to be preparing for mission or marriage.

(Full disclosure: I hadn't even gone on a date with aforementioned young man)

BUT STILL!

I was questioning everything. 

Why would I feel this prompting when Heavenly Father KNEW I was going on a mission?

Him and I had TALKED about this! 

I was going on a mission.
It had been the plan for years. 

So why was He now changing the plan?

I began to feel that my preparations to go on a mission were taking too long.
I had missed my chance.

The people I needed to teach had already been taught by some sisters way more prepared than I.

And so I might as well skip the mission and just get married. 

(Seriously, I know how screwed up that thinking is, reading it over now I don't even want you to read it, because I am so embarrassed by it. I'm sorry.)

And so, when facing a trial of faith such as this, do you know what I did?

I started praying.
More often.

More earnestly. 

With more determination for an answer than ever. 

Because I was so very confused. 

I looked at how to transfer from my school in Virginia to his school. 

I thought long and hard about how to come to grips with not serving a mission.

I read the scriptures and every talk I could find on dating and marriage.

And I worked on my Pinterest account (the most crucial part of course).

But most important of all, I moved forward in faith.

If this is what Heavenly Father wanted me to do than okay. 

I would change my plans. 

In this time I had so many heart to hearts with my Father in Heaven. 

I would just walk and talk to Him as if He was standing right next to me. 

After weeks of asking and praying and searching for guidance I felt peace about continuing my preparation to serve a mission. 

And it didn't feel like there was this huge weight off my shoulders. 

Or that all my dreams were coming true. 

 I had accepted Heavenly Father's will, no matter what it was, and when the answer came I was prepared to receive it. 

So to all my friends who are married/getting married at a young age, you do you. 

As long as you are doing Heavenly Father's will kudos to you. 

And it is hard choosing between two good things. 

Mission vs. Marriage

But that mission versus marriage thing is dumb anyways.

Go on a mission then get married.
Get married then go on a mission.
Let your mission be your marriage. 

God will use you to further the work in whatever way He sees fit. 

Our job is just to be worthy of being His servants.

And I believe in you. 

Love, Em