What's your status?

In case you are wondering what is happening...

I HAVE AN UPDATE!

On Friday I went and met with my LDS Family Services counselor.

A few weeks back I went and did HOURS of testing.

Something like 1000 questions in 3 hrs time.

It was exhausting.

Last week my results came back from Salt Lake City.

(This stock photo shows how I feel about this)

And so the tests I took were standard psychology tests that were then evaluated by 

*insert name of whoever decides whether I'm mentally sound enough to be a missionary*

Then my results were measured against the results of missionaries who have come home early from their missions to see how likely it is that I would come home.

(Gulp)

From what I understood there are 9 different warning signs of missionaries coming home on this test.

General Anxiety

OCD behaviors

Previous traumatic experiences

Homesickness

....

Other ones I can't remember

And that's just on the anxiety scale I was being tested on.

But if there were more than 5 things that your score was high on you were flagged as a potential problem.

I had 6...

I know.

So I talked with my counselor to understand what that meant.

And to discover if I could still go.

We discussed coping strategies for anxiety.

And went over my whole history of anxiety disorder...

But I won't keep you waiting any longer with the minutia.

I CAN GO ON A MISSION!

He filled out a positive recommendation stating that he believed I would be a good missionary.

And sent it in to Salt Lake.

So now I am OFFICIALLY WAITING FOR MY CALL!

Here's the thing though.

At 19 I would not have been approved to go.

Did I know that at 19?
NOPE.

I was so mad.

So sad.
So confused as to why I was supposed to wait.

But as I have talked to my family doctor, my bishops, my stake president, my counselor

 it has become clear.

And all of them have testified of this.

I am ready to go at 20.

And in spite of the concerns my anxiety disorder brings I will be able to serve.

Why?

Because I went to school for a year and a half.

Because I travelled 3000 miles away from home.

I went to Virginia.

I was Director of Soccer Operations.

I was an RA.

I can go now because I not only survived in a new environment.

I thrived.

So,

Dear 18 year old Emma,

Still in High School,

Going on splits every week with the Sister Missionaries,

Crying as you apply to Southern Virginia University,

Because going means delaying your mission...

I'm not sure if I want to hug you or slap you.

Because you went to SVU you can go on a mission.

You are so young. 

You have so much to learn.

And you will.

There is a lot of tears ahead.

There is homesickness.

There is a lot more learning than simply what you'll learn in your courses.

Gaining an understanding of the enabling power of the atonement.

Relying on the Holy Ghost.

Trusting.

Praying earnestly.

Becoming someone who can leave her home.

And serve as a missionary.

Dear 19 year old Emma.

You returned to SVU for another school year in faith.

Only to realize while you were there that it was time to serve a mission.

And your heart broke leaving your Virginia life.

Your heart broke leaving the residents in your stewardship.

It broke saying goodbye to your team for two years.

And it broke saying goodbye to your SVU family.

I am so proud of you.

You can do hard things.

There will be a lot of goodbyes on your mission you are now more prepared for.

You rose to the challenges you had.

And some challenges you lost.

But you won so many.

Dear 20 year old Emma.

HALLEFREAKINLUIA.

And congratulations.

Because it is Thursday.

And after a lifetime of waiting.

And years of preparing.

And months of finalizing.

And weeks of anticipation.

And days of impatience.

Today your call is in the pile of those to be issued.

Today your photo is on a computer screen in Salt Lake City in the mission department.

Today, an apostle of the Lord is being lead by the spirit to send you where you are needed.

Today, your mission call is being issued.

Congratulations Sister Atwood.

Also I saw this on instagram yesterday.

And it made me laugh.

(I also should add I am emotionally prepared for my name to be at the bottom of the list and I don't actually get assigned till next week. But the excitement was too great not to share.)